What would you say if your stepdaughter just declared, “You’re not my dad; I don’t have to do what you say.”?
Recognize that on some level this teenager is telling you about her sadness. Yes, I know, she doesn’t want to clean her room but she also misses her dad. Sometimes kids defy a stepparent because they are hurting. So, respond first with genuine compassion. “You’re right. I’m not your dad and I can tell that you miss him.” This connects to her heart and shows her you’re really not all that bad. In fact, your gentleness just might earn you some respect and obedience. I'll share part two tomorrow.